When attempting to add a folder to the exclusion list in Spotlight in MacOS Catalina, the UI would return a “Privacy List Error.” After many maddening hours of troubleshooting and research. Here’s how I fixed it:

Boot into recovery mode and disable System Integrity Protection by opening the Terminal from the Utilities menu, and entering the following:

csrutil disable

Reboot (you can just type reboot into the terminal, and press enter to accomplish this

Login to your mac as an administrative user.

Open System preferences > Users & Groups

Click the lock icon at the bottom of the screen to unlock the settings.

Click Login Options > Join (Beside Network Account Server) > Open Directory Utility…

In Directory Utility, click the lock icon at the bottom of the screen to unlock the settings.

In the Directory Utility menu at the top of the screen, click Edit > Enable Root User and give...

The real voyage of discovery consists, not in seeking new landscapes, but in having new eyes - Marcel Proust

When I first met my wife, this quote was one of several she had displayed on the walls of her middle school classroom where she taught English language arts. The idea of having “new eyes” has been on my mind a lot lately.

For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known. - 1 Corinthians 13:12

It’s been two years since my son left for better shores. As some of the weightier clouds of grief have parted just a little, I’ve found some margin in my mind to think about his passing in different ways. In our home, we daily see the void of the space he left, and the empty seat at the table. When the date of the anniversary of his passing comes around, it’s rightfully somber as we recall the...

The hospice team visited on the morning of January 7, and they were the most somber that I could recall. We had gotten his temperature regulation issues under control, but his breathing pattern had distinctly changed for the worse. His body was wearing out from the struggle to keep his oxygen levels up. He would take several heavy breaths, and then stop breathing for a few seconds. We didn’t knew he didn’t have long. I had arranged to pre-record a video of Asher’s eulogy as one of my attempts to make things easier on us in the event of his passing, as it would be one less thing to worry about. I had scheduled to meet someone at our church at 1:00 PM. One of our pastors who had been walking with us since the first day, had come by to visit Asher. I cleaned myself up, put on a nice shirt, and while I was getting dressed, I could hear Asher having a coughing fit, and my wife using the...

At this point Asher could no longer speak or move. He could blink and make a few other eye gestures, so we worked out a system with a small whiteboard, and rows of letters to spell out words that he wanted to say.

January 6 was the roughest day yet. His breathing was harder, and had become a little more irregular. His body temperature was unstable. Simply put, he felt terrible. That night as I wrapped up his bedtime routine, after a few abnormal blinks and eye rolls, it was clear he wanted to say something more than “Yes” or “No.” I got out the spelling board, and marker, and we got to work. “H. O. S. P. Hospital?” One blink yes. “You want to go to the hospital?” One blink yes. He was reminding me of the times that I had told him that if he ever felt like he wasn’t being taken care of in a way that was helpful to him, that we could go to the hospital. Asher really hated being...

January 4, Update:

A quick update on things: Asher continues to steadily decline. Breathing is a little harder each day, and his heart rate continues to climb. He can’t turn his head or move his extremities anymore. Communication is all by way of weak eye movements, or very tiny mouth movements which are so subtle, we can’t usually decipher them. Without those functions, we consider him “locked in.” He hasn’t consumed anything other than small quantities of liquids in the last 4-5 days. We’re grateful that he’s only complained of one headache. Pray that he will remain pain-free.

The fighting energy he has left is typically used to fight sleep. He loathes sleeping. It’s astounding to watch, really. We expected that getting regular doses of morphine would push him to sleep more often, and he while sneaks a snooze here and there, for the most part, he powers through drowsiness...

Just getting going on Christmas morning was difficult for Leah and I. We had fully prepared, but two things were hanging over our heads: 1) the inevitable “It’s his last Christmas,” and 2) the amount of deterioration that he had experienced over the last couple of weeks. Fine motor function came and went, but it was mostly gone by now. Would he have a little spark of something to at least help him enjoy the day?

In a word, No.

It was awful. Here was my boy who had been fighting a brain tumor for nearly an entire year, and his motor functions were so low, he couldn’t even play with his gifts on Christmas of all days. He was crushed, and so were we. To add insult to injury, one of his more special gifts even broke when I had taken it (and him) outside to try to help him play with it. It was just a random defect in the toy, but it felt like the universe was against us, and the sun was...

December 22 Update:

We’re grateful that you continue to pray for us on this journey. Our trip to Disney World was everything we wanted it to be for our family. There were a few bumps along the way, but they were manageable, and we made lots of memories. Join us in thanking God for the provision of being able to make that trip. Quality time and memory-making continue to be high priorities around here. Pray that Christmas would be a joyful time for us.

The symptoms of disease progression are apparent. Asher is beginning to lose the use of his last good limb, his right arm. He’s all but lost his ability to speak anything but one-syllable words, and he can no longer eat solid foods. He’s taking it a little harder than usual, not just because he knows what it means long-term, but because he’s losing more independence. Asher doesn’t get frustrated often, but when he does, it’s...

Caring Bridge - December 3, 2019

Asher has seen some symptoms of decline over the last couple of weeks. Most significantly, he’s lost most of his ability to speak. When he’s got the energy to make sound, it’s often muffled or slurred. Sometimes we can read his lips. Other times we use an app on his iPad where he can either press buttons that will say preset words for him, or he’ll slowly type something out which he finds to be very frustrating and onerous. As I’ve said before, this type of tumor has virtually no effect on his cognitive function. He thinks as fast as he ever has, but as time goes on, there are more parts of his body holding him back. Imagine someone chains your leg, and then your arm, and then your other leg, and so on, until finally, you’re just completely chained down, unable to move, and deprived of a number of critical senses like sight and hearing. That’s...

November 16, 2019 Update:

Friends and family, thank you for continuing to care for us, and lift up our family in prayer.

The results of Asher’s MRI this week are mixed. The good news is that there was a further reduction in the necrotic tissue, and the cyst as a result of his last infusion. However, there is concern about changes in the diffuse portion of the tumor in the pons, as it appears to be growing. The term “diffuse” is used to describe bad tumor tissue mixed with good brain tissue, like sand being sprinkled in the grass. That is why this type of tumor is inoperable, because it’s simply impossible to remove the bad cells surgically without damaging good tissue.

Having seen the clonus in his right leg a couple of weeks earlier in NYC, the results of the MRI were not a surprise to me, but it was a gut punch for Leah. She didn’t have her eyes closed to neurological changes...